I recognize that when some people hear the phrase an “Attitude of Gratitude,” they are going to think, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, more new-age psychobabble, but we want hard facts.” Well, I agree that hard facts are important and here are some from pretty reputable sources who argue convincingly about the science of gratitude’s positive impact.
Harvard Medical School recently reported that there have been multiple studies showing that people who express gratitude are “more optimistic and felt better about themselves.”
The Templeton Foundation conducted studies that showed that an “attitude of gratitude” can actually have a positive and “lasting effect on the brain.”
A paper published by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence concluded that “expressing gratitude completes [a] feeling of connection” with others (something I’d say is pretty important in building relationships).
Even neuroscientists argue that gratitude is effective. Paul Zak, professor at Claremont Graduate University states that “the neuroscience shows that recognition has the largest effect on trust. . .” Especially when it’s tangible, unexpected, personal, and public.
UC Berkley conducted fMRI scans on individuals who wrote gratitude letters and compared them to the fMRI scans of people who did not. They found that the people who wrote gratitude letters had a greater activation in the medial prefrontal cortex than those who did not write the letters. The medial prefrontal cortex is, among other things, believed to be an area of the brain that triggers responses to nicotine, drugs and alcohol. In other words, showing gratitude is proven to be a healthy way of getting high.
Studies by the Cicero Group that were published in Forbes found that people who are on the receiving end of gratitude have a 33% increase in their innovation, a 22% increase in work results, and they stay with the organization longer than those who are in companies who do not have a practice of appreciating their people.
So much for psychobabble. Gratitude improves attitude, feelings of connection, and results. It’s not new-age; it’s science.
The Gratitude Effect works when someone is coming from a place of being grateful and acknowledging people along the way. This means that it is important to take time to notice all the good things you might take for granted. Like so many other principles of success, it’s simple, but not easy, meaning that this is a simple concept – but it is not an easy concept to apply regularly in your life. It’s not easy, because the easy thing is to notice what is wrong, what you don’t like, what annoys you, or the problems that you face.
What I have learned over the years is that if you focus on problems – you become a world-class expert at problems, and it is hard to show gratitude when you are obsessed with the problems around you. However, if you focus on solutions, you can become a world-class expert at solving those problems. This process begins by recognizing what is right around us. From that starting point we can be grateful for those elements and begin to acknowledge those around us for the efforts they are making. The Gratitude Effect requires a life-long journey of developing our ability to be grateful.
Expressing gratitude completes the feeling of connection with others. Here is how you can start this practice today: many people have helped us during our lifetime. They are “in our story.” Have you acknowledged them? Have you thanked them? Have you recognized the difference they have made for you?
I recently heard a story from a woman whose sixteen-year old son pretty much stopped going to school, his grades began to fail, and he started drinking alcohol. Worst of all, he was caught stealing a car and joy riding late at night. She told me that he was making some really poor life decisions and that she was beside herself with what to do.
She decided to send him to a leadership conference to see if that would help take his life in a new direction. At first, he said, “no” but around the holidays, he said that if this was that important to her, he “would do it for her.”
He attended the multi-day event and came home telling her that the event was amazing. He learned that people matter. Decisions matter. The people around you matter. She told me that one of the speaker’s at that event had a particularly large impact on the young man. She then reached out to the speaker from that event and told him the story. She expressed her gratitude for the impact that his talk had on her son’s life. She told him “you gave me my son back.” The speaker was so moved that he sent a video message to the young man telling him how grateful he was that he said something that the boy found helpful and that he was proud to be a small part of that. What’s more, the young man replied and told him a little about the life that he was now creating for himself.
The Gratitude Effect doesn’t take much effort and costs little or nothing, yet it makes a difference in yourself and the people around you. When you acknowledge people in this way, people are drawn to you like a magnet, because it accelerates the relationship building process.
As the story above shows, the Gratitude Effect can come full circle and then continue to spiral off in new, impactful directions. Believe me. It’s science.
Read these “Thank You” stories from BNI Leaders from throughout the world, featuring:
Tim Roberts, National Director – BNI United States of America – Click here to read original submission
Jessica Gomplewicz-Milot, Directrice Nationale, BNI France et Belgique francophone – Click here to read original submission
Frederick Marcoux, National Director – BNI Australia – Click here to read original submission
Sam Schwartz and Yarden Noy, National Directors – BNI Israel – Click here to read original submission
Thanking Those Who Provided The Opportunity
Submitted by Tim Roberts, National Director – BNI United States of America
BNI recently celebrated International Networking Week and its Million Thank You initiative. It reminds me of how important it is to think about those who have made significant impacts on our lives that may not have been obvious at that moment in time. Who helped you with what may have seemed like an insignificant act that, through the butterfly effect, changed the course of your business or life forever?
Thank You, Seth Tebbetts
For me, it is Seth Tebbetts, a BNI member in the BNI Power Partners chapter in Nashua NH and owner of the Tebbetts Insurance Agency. Back in 2002, Seth was a recruiter for another insurance company. He gave me an opportunity to chase my dream of being an entrepreneur. Seth was able to help me see the possibility of unlimited growth and face the fears of uncertainty. If it were not for Seth I would have ended up in a management program after graduation. I know I would have hated this and who knows where my path would have led.
I was very familiar with BNI at the time because of the involvement of my parents. However, I would not have been able to become a member if I did not decide to go work with Seth. This decision led me down an amazing path: from a struggling member getting little results, to a successful member, to finding my passion for BNI, to working BNI fulltime, to becoming an Executive Director owning multiple franchises of BNI. Now, I am the U.S. National Director. While there are countless people who I can and should thank along this now 18-year journey, it is Seth who helped me take the very first step. There is no way either of us knew at the time that this is where it would all lead, but that is not the point.
A Week of One Million Thank You’s
I challenge all of us to think back and thank those whom without we would not be where we are today. I often speak to BNI members and ask them, “When was the last time they thanked the person who initially invited them to their chapter?” We also make sure to thank the person who just gave us a referral. However, without that initial invite, EVERY referral we have or will receive from BNI would never have happened.
Thank you, Seth, for convincing me to take the leap of faith to become an entrepreneur. Thank you for helping me be able to get involved in an organization that has made such an impact on my family and me.
Tim Roberts | National Director – BNI United States of America
La Gratitude en France
Submitted by Jessica Gomplewicz-Milot, Directrice Nationale, BNI France et Belgique francophone
Saying thank you in France and receiving gratitude can be sometimes a bit tricky. Of course, you might have heard about how negative French people can be sometimes, but it is a bit more complicated than this! Let me give you a few explanations.
If you think about it, this difficulty to accept AND give gratitude starts in schools. While American teachers grade from 100% and then reduce the grade when they find mistakes in an essay or an exercise, French teachers start from 0 and add up points when you do good. It ranges from 0 to 20, the latter being perfection. You really have to prove that you are worth something, and it should suffice you. Having often 18/20 grades means you will be the top student of your class. If you get grades like 12/20 you are good enough to pass like most students, and below 10/20 means starting a schoolyear over again. 20 is not often, if ever, given. This is a good example of how French people have trouble recognizing their worth and accept and value gratitude. A lot of them are not cheer on or thanked for their hard work, and it almost feels too much when those moments of recognition arrive.
Take the French language for instance: many reactions to compliments or signs of gratitude consist in diminishing what they accomplished. “You shouldn’t have.” “It’s nothing really!” “It’s natural/normal, don’t worry about it.” “No, no; I’m nothing special really.” All these are quite common to say.
A Week of One Million Thank You’s
Thankfully we still exchange formally gratitude, especially in the workplace, through letters, thank-you notes, emails or, and that is the best possible option, gifts and food. If you want to wow a French person at the end of the year and express gratitude, chocolates, regional specialties and treats are always very happily received. It sounds a bit cliché but it’s true! Pro tip: this also works if you want to make amends for any misunderstanding or wrongs that happened along the path.
If your French coworker has trouble thanking you during the year, but later sends you a letter, an email, or even better, one of their regional products, you know they truly value you and the work you put in.
The key point that I want to make here is this: compared to American people for example, it can be trickier to make French people literally say “Thank you!” or to get the point across when you want to thank them. However, once they truly see the intentions and gratitude you give, and what they can give in returns, it creates long-lasting trust and bonds.
“ “…you’re the right person for us in finance, credit and investment.”
What a pleasure to hear that, and what a boost to my self-confidence thanks to my Chapter and an organization that allow me to thrive… I say thank you to them, they understood that human contact allows real exchanges and real business.”
“ BNI accelerated my professional life, I met the right people in the right place. I have changed my professional life and made friends. I get up at 5am once a week with a smile on my face to have fun!”
“I accepted the role of President because it is in line with my job: giving wings to companies, but above all to the people who are part of them. It’s a way for me to highlight each Member. I try to bring out the best in them and that each one can give to receive.”`
Submitted by Frederick Marcoux, National Director – BNI Australia
This year’s International Networking Week theme was “One Million Thank You’s”. In Australia we saw increidble engagement with this meaningful theme! Saying “thank you” has a strong place in our culture. Furthermore, expressing gratitude and saying thank you is easy, fun and uplifting to give and receive.
Thank you to our amazing firefighters and other volunteers
The world press gave massive coverage to the bushfires happening in many parts of our country. We are still coming to grips with what 12 million acres of burned bushland and 1 billion animals killed means. However, many are suffering from the loss of loved ones and their property. Therefore, we are grateful to our amazing firefighters and other volunteers helping to address these challenges.
BNI Foundation Australia says Thank You!
We are grateful to BNI Global, BNI Members and Directors and others from 12+ countries who donated so far to the BNI Foundation Australia’s bushfires fundraising efforts (www.gofundme.com/bnifoundationaustralia). The funds will be used to help children and young people impacted by the bushfires. Furthermore, the GoFundMe organization itself donated $1,000 to our cause, and we are very grateful for that!
Resilience through abundance
Frederick MarcouxWe are very proud that BNI helps improve business resilience through the powerful support network we provide for business through our Chapters. It’s well documented that one of the top reasons for business failure in Australia is lack of support. Givers Gain® is serious business. Last year, the members of BNI in Australia generated $0.5 billion of additional revenue through a quarter of a million referrals. Members supported each other this way without expecting anything in return. This is an amazing display of abundance thinking and trust in the idea that “what goes around comes around”. This is why I believe that in BNI we support business by creating “Resilience through Abundance”. The meaning of those few words put together is readily understood by business people experienced in our Givers Gain® philosophy.
Say thank you and thrive!
There are many more reasons to say “thank you”. In most cultures, the desire to be appreciated is common. It’s well documented that receiving thanks can have a profound impact on someone’s outlook on the day, on the week or even on their future. Does that sound a bit exaggerated? However, I don’t think so. The best job I ever had was when my accomplishments and efforts were regularly recognized and gratefully appreciated by my superiors. Furthermore, there are even studies that show that someone regularly expressing gratitude has better heart health and more disease-fighting cells in their body!
Thank you Leaders of BNI in Australia
Great Leaders develop and nurture more Leaders, and BNI in Australia has many leaders who do just that! Therefore, BNI in Australia has more Franchisees than ever before thanks to the abundance mindset and awesome leadership of the Executive Director Team. A few months ago at the Global Convention in Poland, BNI Australia was awarded the “2019 Global Award for Franchise Development”. This means that Australia is the most developed “Franchised BNI Country” in the world today. Furthermore, that is thanks to the amazing collaborative spirit of our team. Therefore, in the spirit of recognition and expressing gratitude, it’s appropriate to acknowledge those who have contributed to this massive achievement:
Bob Greenup, Executive Director BNI Sydney Central for referring us Ilona Teremi the Executive Director of BNI Gold Coast. Plus, Paul English the Executive Director for BNI NSW South.
Braith Bamkin, Executive Director BNI Melbourne Central for referring us Lisa Thomas, Executive Director BNI Melbourne North and Helen Searle Executive Director BNI Melbourne West
Graham West, Executive Director BNI Melbourne East for introducing us David Harris
Glenn Anthoney, Former Executive Director of BNI Sydney North West for referring us Rebecca Raad, Executive Director BNI Sydney North West. Plus, Alison Attard, Executive Director BNI Sydney South West
Ilona Teremi, Executive Director BNI Gold Coast for referring us David McLean. Plus, Jeannie Anderson, Executive Directors for BNI Brisbane South East
Leisa Gill, Executive Director BNI Brisbane South West and Toowoomba without whom One Brisbane would not have been possible
Rob Warburton Executive Director for BNI Sydney North East for introducing us to Andrew Sim
Simon Derrick-Roberts, Executive Director for BNI Adelaide CBD and South for referring us Simone Douglas, Executive Director BNI Adelaide South
Finally, I hope that everyone had an insanely great International Networking Week® 2020!
Frederick Marcoux| National Director – BNI Australia
One Billion Thank You’s
Submitted by Sam Schwartz and Yarden Noy, National Directors – BNI Israel
International Networking Week has a special place in the BNI Israel history. When it was first announced about 13 years ago, we decided to have our annual conference at the same time. This year’s theme was “One Million Thank You’s” however, we focused on “One Billion Thank You’s” because in the last six years BNI Israel members reported / Generated on over “1 Billion Israeli shekels” thank you for close business. This is incredible.
We would like this opportunity and thank Dr. Misner for creating this amazing organization that is Changing the Way the World Does Business® and influencing the economy of the small and medium businesses in Israel.
An attitude of gratitude it’s not a simple and easy thing to have and changing a culture to adopt it is even harder, but over the last 15 years since BNI was introduced to Israel, we were able to have thousands of members and directors that adopted this attitude doing business Locally Nationally and Internationally with BNI member all over the world.
According to the Israeli government statistics, the SME in Israel is responsible for 61% of the job in the commercial sector, generating 53% of the product and services that generate 78% from all the new net employment. We are proud to help our members and the economy to be successful.
BNI is not only a “Business Generating System” it’s a family!
We have a member Tomer Mor that his parents went to Canada in 2018 for their Anniversary. His father felt some headaches and he was planning to go to visit the doctor but on his way, he fell asleep at the steering wheel. His mother woke him up at the last minute and took over driving. They went to the emergency care in the hospital where he had a CT done. They found 2 aneurysms: one new and one old and the brain was damaged, he was transferred by ambulance to a bigger hospital in Halifax which was an hour and a half away from the first hospital, he was hospitalized and waited for surgery.
The car they rented was at the old hospital and all their belongings were at the hotel. The family in Israel was worried and tried to find a solution to help the parents.
Tomer reached out to Hazel Walker which he met in the prior year when she was a keynote speaker at BNI Israel Conference. He knew she owned the territory in Canada. Hazel connected him immediately to Mike and Megan, owners of the BNI franchise in Halifax. They immediately took over and said, “Don’t worry. We will meet your mother tomorrow. We will take the keys and we will bring the car and your belonging to the hospital”. It took them over six hours on Friday to do all of this. They asked nothing in return! Tomer met with them after his father’s operation to offer to compensate them for all that trouble and they refused. So a big, big Thank You to Mike and Megan for the help and support.
A Week of One Million Thank You’s
We would like to thank our Members and our Executive Teams who trust us and followed the BNI system in an organization that changed their life. “One Billion Thank You’s” from the bottom of a heart to Dr. Misner and the BNI Global Support Team.
Submitted by Kevin Barber, Executive Director – Chairman of the BNI Foundation Worldwide
Like many of you, as the new year started, I followed with disbelief as wildfires devastated Australia. The fact that I have BNI colleagues in the affected region shouldn’t really make a difference, but somehow it brought the dramatic situation even closer to home. Wherever natural disasters occur in the world, we’re always asked the same question – “What is the BNI Foundation doing to help?” In situations like this, where people are desperately in need of help, what better place to start than by turning to the organization whose sole reason for existence is to help?
It would also be easy to assume that a foundation always has vast reserves in the bank and is just waiting to distribute them where they are needed. For us, that is (unfortunately) not the case, because the BNI Foundation is not an aid organization. For the international aid organizations, with their access to a very different level of logistical resources, it is different. However, the mission of the BNI Foundation is to support children and education. For this reason, we can only be involved in projects which themselves support this mission.
This is what I said to my colleague Frederick Marcoux, National Director, BNI Australia, who together with his team founded the BNI Foundation Australia in late 2019, when he asked for advice. But we still wanted to find a solution, because 1) BNI members turn to us when they want to help and 2) there is always a very important “time thereafter” – the time when the fires are no longer in the news every day, but when those affected are still trying to find their way back to their old lives. Within days, footage of the fires had largely disappeared from the headlines to be replaced by international political tensions, a volcano erupting, another royal drama or fears of a new pandemic. But it is precisely when the world has forgotten that those who have lost everything need us more than ever – and this is where our BNI network can truly make a difference.
So Team Australia has set up a GoFundMe page : BNI Cares – Australian Fires (https://www.gofundme.com/f/bnifoundationaustralia), so that anyone asking “how can I help?” can simply and quickly donate whatever they can afford – even the smallest amount helps! Together with BNI members, schools are being identified in the areas most affected and asked what they need most urgently. Only then is the money being spent to ensure the effect of the fires on the children and their education is reduced to a minimum. In most cases we will probably be helping with clean clothes, drinking water and school supplies.
To everyone who generously contributed – THANK YOU! This is just one of the ways we can all show that wherever we might be in the world, BNI Cares. At the time of writing, the GoFundMe page is still open, because children there will need our help for a long time, especially when nobody is talking about the fires anymore. If you require an official donation receipt under Australian law, please email in English to admin@bni.com.au stating your name, the amount and the date of the donation.
While we hope that such natural disasters are rare, this is a great example of how your BNI Foundation will always work with National Directors of countries affected in the future, because BNI Cares.
This article was submitted by Debby Peters who is a 25 year Member of BNI
A little over 25 years ago I was at a Christmas party and a woman I was chatting with said, “You should join BNI, I’ll have Kevin call you.” I immediately forgot the conversation until I received the call from Kevin! I really didn’t want to go to the meeting, but figured I would go once and then I could say that it wasn’t for me. Boy was I wrong. From my first exposure that Thursday morning, I knew I had to go back. It was the middle of December and while I was too busy to return the next week, I promised that I would be there the first Thursday in January of 1995. And except for just a couple times when I woke up sick, I have been there or had a sub stand in for me every Thursday for the last 25 years!
BNI was so different during my first years as a member. What’s funny was that the chapter I joined had 12 members and we all know now that a chapter of that size was probably in jeopardy. But I had no idea and thought it was just wonderful. There was no training in those days, not even Membership Success Program (MSP) so we fumbled along doing the best we could. I received my first referral on my first visit from BNI member Lori Cannon who was selling monuments at the time. To this day I consider her one of my closest friends, she is my financial advisor and we are both in the same BNI chapter, although different from the original.
About year five of my membership, I started to doubt whether it was worth my time – it just didn’t seem to be working. I almost quit. But when I analyzed the situation, there wasn’t anything better to turn to. About then was when some of the BNI training began that helped me to know how to customize my “ask” each week so that I didn’t just stand and repeat the same words from the week before. Referrals that I received or gave were still mostly inside referrals, those between members. I had a long way to go, but I just didn’t realize it yet!
I can recall that at some point our Executive Director, John Meyer, asked me how BNI was going for me and I said, “Great!” Of course, he then asked the telling question, “How much revenue are you gaining?” I remember thinking that it was pretty nervy of him to ask that. I didn’t want him to know how much of a failure I was at this BNI thing.
The best education I received was when John asked me to take on the training hat for our region. I taught all MSPs and also developed and delivered six advanced topics that were more in depth. In order to be able to do this well, I had to live what I was teaching. I learned to develop my referral requests in advance so that I actually did the research to figure out what I needed to ask for. Because I taught members how to have productive one-to-one meetings, I had to make sure I demonstrated that behavior. By osmosis I became more and more skilled at this BNI concept that Ivan Misner had so nicely developed.
During the years, I have taken on most leadership positions, whether it was one of the “top three” or a less visible responsibility. For a couple years, I hosted a monthly meeting-after-the-meeting to teach my fellow members how to develop referrals for each other. Again, everything I did taught me how to be even better; better at getting to know people, better at figuring out how to help and in many instances, better at being a friend.
For me, BNI isn’t something I do on Thursday mornings. It is my lifestyle. Ivan Misner has cemented into my brain the value of Giver’s Gain. I am forever indebted and grateful to John Meyer for giving me the opportunity to give (and gain) as a trainer in our region. That opportunity helped to grow as a BNI Member, a leader, and a person.
I am so thankful that Kevin Carmony picked up the phone to invite me to that December meeting. I am sure that he was trying to grow the chapter, but instead he grew my life. Now when I am asked what my revenue from BNI is, I can easily deliver that figure. Many years it is the profit for my business. As I wrote earlier, where else can I find marketing that is so useful and cost effective? The answer is easy: nowhere!
Connext Nation is a training company that helps business people to put procedures in place to gain more referrals, through our Referral Pursuit class. It is taught in Toledo, Cleveland, OH and Ann Arbor, MI. Additionally we can offer keynote services. Debby has a book, Tell Me Exactly What to Say, available on Amazon that addresses 33 networking conversations that might happen out there in the business world.
Before I tell this story, let me say up front – I used the student loan in this story to pay tuition. That said, let me tell you how that led to a multi-million dollar company.
Most people know me as the Founder of BNI. However, I actually started an investment property company three years before I started BNI. The property business is still going strong and now owns almost a dozen commercial properties today.
I was recently going through my old files and ran across the paper work for an old student loan that I took out during graduate school. It was 1982, and I had applied to USC for a doctoral degree. I really wanted to do my Ph.D. there, but I also had to figure out how I would pay for it if I was accepted. Several years earlier, I had been accepted to Occidental College for my bachelor’s degree. I was offered a 50% scholarship to go to there, but I couldn’t afford the other 50% (nor could my family). So I went to a community college and then a state college, because that’s what I could afford (by the way, they were great schools). Although I didn’t know how I could pay for the doctoral program at USC, I didn’t care – that was my big goal, so I applied and I was accepted. I received a couple small scholarships, but the lion’s share of my tuition still had to be paid for by me.
At the time, I had a full-time job in L.A. but I wasn’t making enough money to cover living expenses and the doctoral program. So, I took another job and worked as many hours as I could so I could save up enough money to pay for that semester’s tuition. I discovered that one semester at USC cost me more than my entire bachelor’s degree! But that was my vision, and that’s what I worked towards.
I worked the two jobs AND I applied for a student loan of $5,000 to help pay for a semester at the university of my dreams. I had no idea if I’d get the loan, but I applied, AND I worked to make the money in case I didn’t get the loan.
Well, a few months later (right before I was to start at USC), I was approved for the loan! The thing is, I had also saved $5,000 from my extra work to pay much of the tuition in case I was not approved. So, I had $5,000 in cash and $5,000 available as a student loan. What should I do? My friends said I should buy a new car, an awesome home sound system, or some other extravagance. For me, I saw only two options; should I use my $5,000 cash to pay for school, or should I take the low interest loan for school and invest the cash that I earned into something that would have long-term value?
Well, I knew I couldn’t keep working long hours for the next several years, so I decided to take the low interest loan and use the $5,000 in cash that I had earned and apply it as a down payment on a condominium. And that’s where my journey began in the investment property business. You see, I flipped that condo a few years later for a larger house. I then flipped that house a few years later for another larger house, which I then flipped for another two homes. Eventually I flipped those two homes to pay about 50% of a commercial property that I was building in Texas!
The original loan allowed me to take my $5,000 in cash and turn into a $1.8 million dollar commercial property. Of course, my wife and I made other cash investments over the years that turned this little company I started into a multi-million dollar business with almost a dozen commercial properties and dozens of tenants. All of this happened because I got a $5,000 student loan (and of course, I worked really, really hard to earn money and invest it – not blow it on things that wouldn’t matter decades later).
This is a story about the use of leverage and the commitment to discipline. Discipline and leverage are lessons any business can learn from. Leveraging your money and using discipline can lead to incredible success. I used leverage and discipline later to help build the BNI business.
By the way, I paid off all my student loans including interest years ago. It was a proud day for me. However, four weeks later, I got a letter from another university that read: “Congratulations Dr. Misner, your daughter has been accepted to our college. You can go to this portal to make the tuition payments on her behalf.”
This time around, I didn’t need student loans.
Called the “father of modern networking” by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author. He is also the Founder & Chief Visionary Officer of BNI (www.bni.com), the world’s largest business networking organization. His latest book, Who’s in Your Room, The Secret to Creating Your Best Life, is available at bookstores and at Amazon.com.
The whole premise of BNI is to build business through building relationships. This is one of the major distinctions between BNI and other networking groups –building an in-depth understanding of one another’s core competencies. Group meetings can’t provide that. One-to-Ones are the only way to do it. What is a One-to-One? Simply put, it’s a meeting, in person, between two BNI members (or even prospective members) to deepen the understanding between them in order to foster a better business relationship.
To be effective, follow these 7 tips for effective One-to-Ones:
1. Schedule an initial one-to-one with everyone in our chapter as soon as possible,
2. A One-to-One needs to be both structured and social. The more you can find overlapping areas of professional and personal interest, the more successful your One-to-One is going to be.
3. If you ask someone for a One-to-One, then the focus of your meeting is the other person, not you. You ask in order to learn how to give referrals to that other person, not how to get them. It’s Giver before Gain. You may have time in your One-to-One meeting to switch roles and focus on you, but if that doesn’t happen, it’s still a successful One-to-One. Of course, if someone asks you for a One-to-One, then you’re in the spotlight. If nobody asks you, you may want to look at how you’re interacting with other Chapter members.
4. Distribute your GAINS worksheet, or GAINS Profile. GAINS is an acronym for Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Networks, and Skills. If you use this as a structure for your discussion, you’ll find the most valuable, and useful information about your fellow BNI member. This may surprise you, but the GAINS profile can also be incredibly useful in ANY business interview situation: a new employee, a new client, or a new vendor. You want to end each One-to-One with a clearer picture of how you can bring good referrals to the other member.
5. End each One-to-One with a commitment. This may be to refer someone to the person you had a One-to-One with, or it may be to follow up with another One-to-One meeting to find out more about your BNI partner before attempting to make a good referral, or to focus on you and your business needs. It doesn’t matter what you’re going to do, just make sure that you’re going to do something as a result of your meeting. If you don’t come away with an action plan, did you really accomplish anything, or were you just socializing?
6. Always remember that a One-to-One is not a one-time deal. You should go back and do another One-to-One with all members
7. Remain focused and prioritize your one-to-ones!
So, here’s a quick review:
HERE’S HOW YOU GIVE:
One-to-Ones build relationships, which builds trust.
If you ask for the One-to-One it’s about the other person; if they ask, it’s about you.
Use the GAINS Profile and the BNI One-to-One Planner, which we’ll talk about more in January.
Come up with an action plan at the end of every One-to-One.
Repeat One-to-Ones with all members to build deeper relationships
HOW YOU GAIN:
One-to-Ones are how you train your sales team to bring sales to you, and how you get trained (by them) to bring referrals to them.
Benjamin is a very special BNI® Member and we are recognizing him this week as Ben was born in Burgundy region, France, on January 8, 1985 (The exact same day that Dr. Ivan Misner started BNI).
After earning a master’s degree in Telecommunications Engineering, Ben started in 2007 as a business consultant in Paris. This is ironic because before BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner was also a business consultant in California.
In 2013, Benjamin and his wife Barbara moved to their seaside home in Trébeurden, France. The problem was that they couldn’t find jobs, so Ben decided to start his own business: Ampletus Team. They help manufacturing companies solve business challenges.
Like most entrepreneurs, Benjamin struggled growing his business with cold calls. However, somebody told Ben about BNI and invited him to the BNI Lannion chapter. He immediately fell in love with BNI as it was well-suited to his personality and his way of doing business. Benjamin became a BNI Member in 2014 because BNI helps him to get those opportunities that he wouldn’t get by cold calling.
In 2017, Ben became a BNI Director Consultant for 2 chapters in Christophe Ribaimont’s BNI region: BNI Morlaix MX29 and BNI St Brieuc Baie d’Armor, which are both among the best ranking chapters in France’s traffic lights. According to Ben, “I love being able to help out more than 80 business owners with BNI.”
His wife Barbara also became a BNI member in 2015. Ben says, “The fun part is that as we both love BNI, we have the chance to participate together at large events like the BNI Global Convention”. She also became a BNI Director Consultant: She manages 2 chapters, launched 1 chapter, and is now responsible for Members’ training.
What Benjamin loves most about BNI is the culture of our Members and the global support he receives. Ben is now starting to support others globally. Ben helps BNI members in other countries get in touch with French businesses. He also found his first foreign customer at the 2018 BNI Global Convention in Bangkok, Thailand with another BNI Director Consultant from BNI Germany.
Happy 35th Birthday Benjamin and Happy 35th Anniversary BNI!
Last year was the 20th anniversary of the BNI® Foundation, but as you would expect from an organization that embraces “Givers Gain®”, BNI chapters have been supporting their local communities from day one. In truth, that is what happens when business owners come together and use the Core Values of BNI to help each other grow their businesses – they want to help others too!
To celebrate 35 years of BNI we are excited to announce that Dr. Ivan and Beth Misner have generously made us an offer we cannot refuse. They will match every donation of $35 made via the BNI Foundation’s website between 8th January 2020 and the end of International Networking Week 2020 with their own $35 donation up to a total of $10,000. What better way can there be to start the year?
To participate, please visit our donation page and enter $35 in the amount box and complete the form. This gives us a great chance to kick of the new year with a realistic and generous goal of raising $20,000. These funds will then be used to repair or rebuild a school in a place where our help is most needed – in line with our mission of supporting Children and Education around the world.
But that is not all… The Foundation Board has set another ambitious goal: In addition to the 9 countries in which we already have a formal BNI Foundation presence (Australia, Canada, France, Germany, Japan, Spain, UK, USA) we are aiming higher than ever and aiming to launch in at least another 35 countries by the end of 2020.
By launch we mean one of two things:
1) The formation of a legal entity BNI Foundation, duly constituted and registered under the laws of that country.
2) The establishment of a Business Voices program represented by a specific “go to person” appointed in cooperation with the respective National Office.
Business Voices is integral to the foundation, giving chapters a perfect opportunity to work actively with local schools and other organizations. They do this by teaching children and young people basic business and networking skills, thereby ensuring that they are better prepared for the adult world. Business Voices is a global social movement and if this interests you, and you would like to know more, please write to us at info@BNIFoundation.org, David Kauffman at Davidk@bnifoundation.org or myself, Kevin Barber (kevin@bni.com) directly.
Here’s to lots of 35s – $35, 35 new countries and the next 35 years of Changing the Way the World Does Business! Thank you and a Happy New Year.
35 years ago, I put together about 20 people in a small coffee shop in Arcadia, California for the very first meeting of BNI®. However, it was not called BNI at first. The original organization, “The Network”, was run from a small bedroom that was converted into an office inside my house in La Verne, California. I recognized back then that I had struck a chord within the business community. Networking is not taught in colleges and universities anywhere in the world, although businesspeople are hungry for referrals. They simply had no viable way to generate them regularly back in 1985.
What’s amazing is that BNI has had 35 consecutive years of growth – each year growing over the last. Very few companies in the world can say that. I was in Rotary Club when I started BNI and it took Rotary 80 years to get to 10,000 clubs. I dreamed back then that one day we would have 10,000 chapters, and here we are in only 35 years just shy of that goal with 9,400 Chapters. It’s important to dream big, work your plan and do everything possible to make those dreams come true.
It is very humbling to me to see what BNI has become. I simply had this nugget of an idea 35 years ago. If it was just me, it would be two chapters, not approaching 10,000. It was all of you that made the dream a reality. BNI’s impact on the world of business and on individual lives continues to flourish. I feel so proud of how the Givers Gain® philosophy has been embraced by millions of people and expanded around the world.
In celebration of BNI’s 35th anniversary, I share this video story of BNI’s beginning and my astonishment at just how successful BNI has become. Thank you.
Submitted by David Kauffman Vice Chair BNI Foundation, Managing Director BNI Delaware Valley Regions
We had a GREAT convention and I would like to thank all those who supported the foundation at this historic event!
A number of our supporters flew in early to help us with the first “Givers Gain In Action” event where we went to a local library and helped with a beautification project. We had over 25 National Directors, members of the Global support team, and several local members volunteer their time for this event. All of us who attended brought books in our home language to add to their library.
Here is a link to the video of the event. It was an incredible experience.
We then went to the Daniel School and visited with the children and staff to see how the grant given to them a few years ago has made a difference. We learned that they have grown from 1 school to over 30!
We took the time to speak to the children and asked what they needed. Their response was quite surprising to us… They asked for English tutors, PE teachers, microscopes and chairs. Why chairs? They do not have enough tables and chairs to eat their lunch, so many of them sit and eat on the floor. We were able to give them a Givers Gain Grant to buy 6 microscopes and several large benches to sit on. This is how your dollars are helping local children!
During our main stage presentation at Convention, we were proud to present the following awards: TheIvan Misner Excellence in Giving Award which went to our long-time supporter Meena Srinivasan
The BNI Foundation Award of Excellence which was presented to Elisabeth Misner for her many years of service to the foundation.
From the main stage, in conjunction with our overflowing round tables, we were able to raise global awareness about the BNI Foundation and Business Voices (the boots on the ground). Members and directors learned how the BNI Foundation belongs to them and how they could get involved and truly make a difference in a child’s life.
Dr. Ivan Misner spoke about the creation of The Misner Endowment and our goal of growing it to at least one million US dollars. We had several members, directors and countries step up and donate to help us reach our goal. We would like to thank all those who have donated to this project. We were able to collect over ½ of the pledged donations at our booth.
We would also like to thank Jean-Michel Steber and Team France for creating and donating the Tree of Hope which was used to collect donations and then raffled off at the gala on Saturday night. Along with other prizes donated by Ester Wong and Kevin Barber, we collected over 600 envelopes with donations and pledges.
We are working hard to grow the foundation and hope to be up and running in at least 6 more new countries before the next Global Convention in Miami. The Business Voices teams around the world keep growing, even in countries that do not yet have foundations or may never have a formal foundation.
We need to get your stories. If you are a part of a team, please send us your stories here. If you would like more information on the BNI Foundation or Business Voices Teams, please contact us at info@bnifoundation.org
This Member Success Story was submitted by Daniel L. Haverman, President Business Exchange Chapter and Ambassador Palm Beach Region.
We all know that BNI is a community of business leaders, but for some… it’s more than that.
How would you feel if you found out a member of your BNI chapter was actually a member of your family? Such is the case of Giselle and Zoraya Camilo, whose story is the epitome of a serendipitous encounter.
In 1969, Juan Camillo and his wife, natives of the Dominican Republic, moved to the United States. Years later, while living in Miami, Florida, their daughter Giselle Camilo was born.
Concurrently, Juan’s first cousin, Felipe Camilo, was living with his family in the Dominican Republic. Upon reaching an appropriate age, his daughter, Zoraya Camilo, moved to the United States. She ended up settling in Palm Beach County with no knowledge of Giselle’s existence.
As coincidence would have it, Giselle who was a longstanding BNI Member owns an Allstate Insurance Agency in the same county.
One day, Giselle was contacted by her chapter’s home inspector whose client was in the process of purchasing a home. However, before the client could close, they were in need of home insurance – a service that Giselle often provided.
Sight unseen, Giselle quickly contacted the referral, who… if you haven’t already guessed, was Zoraya Camilo. While discussing the various options available, Zoraya asked Giselle if Camilo is her maiden name, which it is. Zoraya enthusiastically responded in kind, as that is her maiden name as well. They both then realized that they were from the Dominican Republic, further fueling their interest in each other’s backgrounds as the surname is quite uncommon in the Dominican Republic. They both jokingly agreed that “they must be related”.
What happened next would change their lives forever. After a little research and a few phone calls to several family members, they found out that their fathers are first cousins. Not only have they become close, but Giselle believes that she found more than a long-lost cousin. In her mind, “Zoraya is like a sister to me”.
At BNI, we often talk about building relationships, and this story goes to show how our Core Values go beyond just business. They become ingrained in our everyday lives and are reflected in our actions, both personally and professionally.
Zoraya, who saw the power of referrals first-hand is now joining BNI as part of Giselle’s new Core Group. An incredible addition to our growing community of leaders.
And that’s not all – thanks to BNI, not only are Giselle and Zoraya united, but their fathers, Juan and Felipe, have had the opportunity to reconnect as well. BNI truly is a family affair!
This Member Success Story was submitted by Clara Overes, Member and Director Consultant from the Energiek chapter in BNI Netherlands.
In 2014, I attended BNI’s Global Convention. During a session led by Jannet Attwood I was challenged to write down a goal for my business. I wrote down: “I will deliver Passion Test workshops in Dubai.” It took some time, but five years later that dream became a reality through BNI.
My company, The Passion Test.nu, is all about helping business owners find their passions so that they can best focus their efforts for personal and professional growth. Research from Gallup in 2017 shows that only 13% of the working people in the world are engaged and happy with their work. I’m hoping to change that by helping professionals work in areas where they’re most passionate. Imagine if 100% of the world was working in areas where they’re truly passionate. The world would be a much better place!
I’m currently a member of the BNI Global Power Team, the only online chapter where members focus their efforts on growing their businesses internationally. It’s made a world of difference. My weekly 45 second presentation really challenges me to focus on the needs of my business, so I can get the best referrals possible.
Since 2014’s Global Convention, I’ve asked month after month for contacts in Dubai – no leads. Finally, I had a 1-2-1 with BNI Global Power Team member Dirk Hinze from Lausanne. He introduced me to the Global Director of IDCN (Internationale Dual Career Network) and that was my foot in the door to leading my first workshop in Dubai, just a few short weeks ago – my dream fulfilled!
Not only that, I was soon connected with an event agency that has agreed to sell my workshops throughout the United Arab Emirates. I’m confident that I’ll continue to host workshops in UAE.
At this point, all my international clients come from BNI – every single one. And it’s not just that. Often the international clients I get through BNI end up leading to more referrals!
Through the BNI Global Power Team, I’m also working with chapter members to take my workshops online where I can offer virtual Passion Test workshops. This will make my services accessible from anywhere.
My goal was to host my workshops in UAE but in BNI I’ve gotten so much more – workshops, increased referrals, and a business that’ll be accessible around the world.
I am very grateful to Dirk Hinze for this powerful introduction to IDCN and to Paola Devescovi for supporting me with the technical delivery of my online pilot.
The Passion Test is all about connecting people with their passions so that they can better connect with themselves, their friends, their families, and their colleagues. It has the power to change the world. With BNI as a partner and a support system, I’m sure we’ll get there.
This Member Success Story was submitted by Dutton Smith, BNI Vermont Ambassador
When I started my business, I was 60 years old. I did not see HomeSmith Services growing beyond me, myself and I. I viewed it as my sunset career, doing a few inspections a week. A nice way to ease into retirement. I soon realized that I needed to do more than that. I wasn’t prepared for the added cost of being in business for myself, and the loss of benefits (like health care) that I was getting as part of my previous job. I needed a way to ramp up my volume to pay for all of this.
Along came BNI. I was invited to the kickoff event for the Middlebury BNI chapter the same month that I started my business. I thought, “This is perfect. Another way to generate a few leads and keep me busy.” I remember my interview for membership when they asked the question, “What are your plans for business growth? Are you of a mindset to grow your business as we give you referrals over the years?” I responded that I didn’t really have any plans for growth other than to keep myself busy. I certainly was NOT going to hire employees and expand my company. What would be the point? I’m too close to retirement. Well… BNI had other plans. I was not prepared for the amount of work the BNI network would throw at me!
My business is seasonal. Spring, summer and fall are my busy times. That’s when people tend to be looking for, and buying houses. My second year in business, I had to turn away almost 100 jobs because I could not meet their schedule needs. The same thing happened in my third year. As 2019 began, I asked myself, “Why not position the company to handle all that extra work?” I knew what that meant, of course. I had to hire an employee. Just the thing I said I would never do!
I really did not want to hire employees because of all the extra work, insurance, payroll, training, etc. Then it hit me. All the resources I needed were already available in my BNI network! The whole process turned out to be much easier and less expensive than I thought. I received expert guidance from my accountant, insurance agent, bookkeeper, and payroll service, (all part of BNI) and was able to get everything set up with a minimum of hassle. I hired another inspector at the beginning of the summer to keep up with the work that was coming in, and I am contemplating hiring an administrative employee next year. On top of that, I’m working on a plan to sell the business to my employee. That was never in my plan, but BNI has made it possible.
BNI is a powerful system! If you are serious about growing your business, just plug into the BNI system and your business will grow. It’s that simple.
Remember your elementary school report card where your teacher graded you on your – ability to play well with others? Well, things haven’t changed. I believe your success in business and particularly your success at networking means that you need to learn how to collaborate (in other words, play well with others).
When I was thirteen years old, my mother gave me a paperweight that said, “Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.” She went on to say, “honey, I love you but you are a bull in a china shop – you just run people over. You have to learn how to work with people. Most importantly, this is about collaboration, not manipulation.” This advice was a major influence on me for the rest of my life.
You can’t always choose who comes to the playground and you won’t always get a say in who you’re working with. You don’t have be friends with everybody. You don’t even have to like everybody. It’s also important to recognize that different personalities add different perspectives and that, when managed well, can actually make a group more productive.
Don’t let other people control your actions. This begins with some tolerance. Tolerance has to come into collaboration. Tolerance is a highly used word and an underused practice. I want to discuss how to use it as a practice.
Let’s talk about Mr. or Ms. Jerk. I’m going to call them “J.” for short. Not the name Jay – just the letter (so as not to confuse them with the amazing people out there whose name is Jay).
Remember, keep your eye on the ball and try not to be too sensitive about the jerk – I mean J. Here are some techniques that will help you with this process. (I think the last one is critical).
When you’re talking with J. consider these 5 things:
Listen without arguing. (This is important – especially when it comes to the last point I’ll discuss today).
Ask questions. Not argumentative questions – but questions that will give you more insight into J.’s point of view.
Show interest in their point of view. You don’t have to agree to show interest. Trust me on this one! I have done this a lot.
If you can, get them to focus on the solutions to the issue and not just the problem! If all we do is focus on the problem we become an expert on problems. Say to them: I get it, I see the issue. Now, the real question – what’s a realistic solution. Problems are easy to understand, it takes real smarts to find solutions. So, what’s a solution? If they give you a lousy solution, then say ok, that’s one possibility, what’s another realistic solution. Coach them into calmness.
Clear, open, honest and direct communication is the best way to deal with J. or to deal with other people that are dealing with J. Every single time I’ve had big challenges with people is when one side or the other held back in the communication. That doesn’t mean unload on people, it means talk to people professionally.
Here are six things to be aware of:
Make yourself invaluable to people by focusing on solutions.
Stay clear of drama and rise above fray. You can do this by checking your emotions and focusing on results.
Don’t complain – be positive. Complaining is not an Olympic sport.
Stay aware of your emotions. Don’t let others limit your success.
Use your support system. Talk to others about the solution.
Be a leader not a leaver.
Don’t let “J.’s” craziness drive you to a direction you don’t want to go.
Here’s my last point:
Dysfunctional people are really challenging. In the book, The Triangle of Truth, Lisa Earle McLeod says: “I discovered that what actually puts us over the edge towards craziness ourselves is not other people’s dysfunctions; it’s their denial of their dysfunctions. You know, how they go out acting all normal, and even self-righteous, as if we’re the ones who are loopy.” Don’t give power to others to control your success. Leaving an opportunity (or a network) because someone’s a jerk gives them power over you AND it gives them free reign to do it to others.
Don’t give J. that power and don’t let others control your success.
Called the “father of modern networking” by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author. He is also the Founder & Chief Visionary Officer of BNI (www.bni.com), the world’s largest business networking organization. His latest book, Who’s in Your Room, The Secret to Creating Your Best Life, is available at bookstores and at Amazon.com.
As we look towards the future of BNI®, we must recognize that the road forward is paved by leaders who Dream Big. But how do we separate a Dream from fantasy; how do we make Dreams achievable?
The simple answer is that we stay true to our purpose. By doing this, and focusing on our most profound dreams, we enhance our lives and transform the lives of others around us.
BNI Leaders at this year’s Global Convention learned this first-hand when they were treated to an exclusive presentation from visionary thought leader and best-selling author, Marcia Wieder. As founder of the Meaning Institute and CEO of Dream University, Marcia has taught people to create and live fulfilling lives for over 30 years.
Her message, powerful and inspirational, reminds us that while it’s vital to have a concrete strategy and action plan in place, don’t act on them too quickly. Dreaming Big is about swinging for the fences, but it requires commitment and passion. If you don’t have these, then you’re at risk of compromising your dreams down to what you think is realistically possible.
That’s also why articulating a clear direction and expressing belief in yourself is so essential. If you have clarity on what you want, confidence in yourself and chose action over fear, then you’ve taken the first step to making your Dreams achievable.
Lastly, if you have a clear vision, driven with a clear purpose, you’ll attract others to your cause. A strong support network provides a strong foundation for your Dreams.
Marcia’s message, timeless and inspirational, is a powerful reminder that no dream is too big.
A Message from Marcia
BNI began with a Dream; one that would change the way how the world does business.
With a global network in over 70 countries, your passion and commitment have made that Dream a reality. By sharing it the world, and inviting others into your network, lives are being transformed in a positive and purposeful manner.
And while it all starts with a Dream, it’s critical that you take action. That’s why the most important thing that you takeaway is that Dream is a verb. Yes it’s also a noun but in taking action on your dreams you make them real.
And one more thing…
If you have a Dream, whether personal or professional, I want you to take the first step to making it a reality. Within one week, think about the one action step that you can take towards achieving that dream. Once you have decided what that step its, take it… no matter what. Don’t compromise your dreams.
A Gift from Marcia
As you think about what action you can take, Marcia would like to leave you with a gift, a link to her recent Tedx talk – “Why Just Dreaming is Not Enough“ and how critical it is to take action.
In addition to this compelling video, you’ll also find 10 valuable steps on how to make Dreams come true. Click here to access this exclusive content.
If you would like to contact Marcia directly to explore speaking opportunities, you can contact her at Marcia@DreamUniversity.com.
About Marcia Wieder
For over 30 years, Marcia Wieder has been CEO of Dream University, impacting hundreds of thousands of people worldwide. As a long-established thought leader on visionary thinking she founded and leads, The Meaning Institute, where she teaches people to create and live fulfilling lives. She’s been a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, writes for Huffington Post and is the author of 15 books. Her newest, DREAM: Clarify & Create What You Want premiered at #4 on the Wall Street Journal best seller list and was #1 of all non- fiction books and #1 in 10 countries on Amazon.
She appeared as an expert often on “Oprah” and was featured in her own PBS-TV show called “Making Your Dreams Come True”. She taught at Stanford’s Business School and as president of the National Association of Women Business Owners, she assisted 3 U.S. presidents. She is a member of the Nobel Women’s Initiative supporting the work of Nobel Peace Prize winners. She served on boards for Make- A-Wish and the Unstoppable Foundation, where she helped finance and build 14 schools in Kenya. She is a long-standing member of the prestigious Transformational Leadership Council with many other luminaries in this field.
Testimonials
“Marcia’s right! You have to be able to identify what you really love and really want, before you can get it.”
Oprah Winfrey
“Marcia is the best Dream Coach on the planet. With her help, I’ve taken my life to a whole new level.”
