On January 17, 1994, at 4:31 a.m., Southern California experienced one of the largest earthquakes ever felt in the region – the Northridge Earthquake. 

I lived in Southern California at the time and I experienced this earthquake firsthand.  It startled me from my sleep like it did millions of others throughout the state.  It lasted almost 20 seconds and produced a ground acceleration that was the highest ever recorded in an urban area in North America at that time.

What followed after the primary quake were two huge aftershocks measuring 6.0 on the Richter scale. This was the first earthquake to strike directly under an urban area of the United States since the 1933 Long Beach Earthquake.  Damage was wide-spread: sections of major freeways collapsed, parking structures and office buildings collapsed, and numerous apartment buildings suffered irreparable damage.

One day later, on January 18, I showed up for a BNI meeting very near Northridge, only to discover that the restaurant the chapter was meeting at had been condemned the night before because of severe earthquake damage. 

I got there early.  The president was there.  We assumed that very few other people would show up; however, one by one – every single one of the 30 BNI members drove into the lot.  Since they couldn’t meet inside, they all stood in a big circle in the parking lot and held their meeting.  Except, this meeting was different.  The President went around the ad-hoc circle and asked everyone to share how they were doing and what they were grateful for after the big quake. 

It was an incredible experience to watch so many people support each other in a way that had nothing to do with business but everything to do with our core values in BNI.

They wrapped up the meeting by sharing their referrals and requests for assistance after the quake.  Those more fortunate willingly volunteered to help those who were more greatly affected by the earthquake.

But the most touching part of the meeting was when everyone met in the center of that circle to comfort each other and give each other hugs in the parking lot of that small, condemned coffee shop. 

The outpouring of support and love was incredible.  I could only watch in awe as I witnessed the true power of the relationships created in BNI.  It was Givers Gain in action.

My experience that morning is indelibly etched into my memory, and it will be for the rest of my life.  BNI is so much more than referrals, and if I ever doubted this before that day, I have never doubted it since. BNI is about relationships.  It’s about being there for one another.  It’s about the things that happen when people truly get to know each other and trust each other. 

I feel honored to be a part of this organization. Because I believe that BNI is more than a meeting – it’s a way of life.  

We don’t teach networking in colleges and universities hardly anywhere in the world — we didn’t when I went to school, and we still don’t today.  I meet so many entrepreneurs who are hungry to learn how to network effectively.  Many things about networking are actually counter-intuitive to what business people may actually think.  So – how do entrepreneurs learn?  Other than through trial and error, I recommend finding someone who can mentor you on how to network effectively. 

 Recently, I had someone ask me four questions about this process.  Here are the questions and my answers to them.

1. Who should your mentors be, and how do you find them? 

First you need to determine your values (they can be aspirational values – values that you are striving to achieve), or they can be values that are clearly part of your life now.  Next, you need to think about your personal and professional goals. Have you noticed that many successful people tell people to set goals?  There’s a good reason for it – they work!  So think about yours before you look for a mentor.  Once you’ve looked at your values and thought about your goals, then, look for people that you believe embody those values and goals.  Try to “network up.”  Look for successful people whom you admire, who embody values congruent with yours, and who may be able to help you with your objectives.  Look for people who have the characteristics that represent your values, who may have achieved some of the same kind of goals that you have established, and then go to the places where you can actually have meaningful conversations with these prospective mentors.  Unless you pay for coaching, trying to get the “sage from the stage” to be your mentor may not be realistic and will definitely not be easy.  Talk to people you’ve met, know, and respect.  They are the most likely candidates.

2. Should the relationship be formal or informal? 

It is not either/or, it is both/and.  Both can work.  I have had many, many informal mentoring relationships, as well as formal ones.  I’d recommend creating a formal mentoring relationship for about a year (if the prospective mentor is willing), then let it transition to something more casual over time.  If the mentor is only available informally, go with that.  The “right” person is the key.  Work with this person as much as is reasonable and respectful of their time.

3. What should you expect from your mentor, and what should they expect from you?

It depends on whether your relationship is formal or informal.  In both cases, you want the relationship to be congruent with your values and goals.  It always comes down to that.   Formal relationships should have structure and processes in place.  They should include regular meetings in person or by Skype (generally monthly).  There should be a set objective or topic to discuss at each of these sessions.  I have found it helpful if the person I’m mentoring sends me questions in advance so I can give thought to them before we talk.

4. How do you both determine whether the relationship is working and also recognize when it is time to move on?

As long as you continue to receive value from the relationship and/or give value to the relationship – it is working.  I have had some mentoring relationships where I started as the mentee, but it evolved over time where I was a peer mentoring my mentor on certain issues.  That’s when you know you’ve developed a long-term friendship.  Ideally, a strong mentoring relationship evolves into a long-term connection and friendship. 

Some people tell me they don’t have time to be a mentor.  To them I say, “find a way to make the time if at all possible.”  You see, every time I was a mentor to someone – it was also a learning experience for me.  When I was given topics from people I mentored, I always did a little research or looked through my files to see if there was something I could offer them to help them through the issue.  What I realized over time was that I was improving myself while trying to help them. 

This really struck home with me when many years ago I coached my son’s elementary school chess club.  I remember going into it thinking that it would be great to spend time with my son and his friends – but at no time did I think that I would become a better player by coaching 10 and 11 year olds!  I soon discovered that I was wrong.  By coaching these young chess enthusiasts, I had to really brush up on my game.  More importantly, I had to do my homework to learn the names for many of the moves and strategies that I had done intuitively for years.  I was amazed at how my game improved by coaching elementary school kids.  

The same is true with mentoring people to network better.  The process not only benefits the mentee, it also benefits the mentor. 

A referral is a referral, right?   Well, not so much.  Once a referral source has given you the name of a person to call, what more could you hope for?

Actually, there’s quite a bit more you can expect from referrals that have been properly developed by their sources.  Referrals come in several different shades. I’ve identified five types of referrals that vary in quality according to how much involvement your referral source has invested in preparing the referral for you. The more time and effort your source puts into qualifying, educating, and encouraging the prospect before you become involved, the higher the quality and level of that referral. Conversely, if your referral source only passes an interested prospect’s name to you, most of the work of converting that prospect into a customer falls on you, and the likelihood of a successful conversion diminishes significantly.

Now let’s cover the five levels of referrals, ranging from nothing but a name and contact information to the “Full Monty” (which despite the movie, actually means to do everything possible).  We call this the Referral Continuum and we’ve ranked the levels of the continuum in order of ascending quality.

Please note that this is a “referral” continuum, not a “leads” continuum.  All of these levels are true referrals not leads (including the first one).  The person giving the referral knows both parties and is recommending the person providing the product or service to the person who is receiving the product or service.

Note that each level below builds upon the previous.  So a Level 2 referral includes much of what is included in a Level 1 referral.  A Level 3 referral includes much of what is in a Level 1 and 2 referral etc. etc.

Level 1:       Name and contact information.   Your referral source has recommended you to someone and given them your contact information.  They have done just enough work to provide you with a phone number, address, email, or some other way of contacting the prospect and that prospect knows you might contact them.    If the prospect is expecting your call, this is a legitimate referral, it’s just not a high-level referral.  That said, we’d take this over a “cold-call” any day of the week!

Level 2:       Supplementary material. In addition to the recommendation they gave, the referral source provided either your marketing literature, website information, or other content to the prospect for their review but nothing substantially more.  This additional information can positively influence the prospect by providing more material for them to review in addition to their verbal reference.    

Level 3:       Share experience.  In addition to some or all of the items above, the referral source gave a personal written testimonial or a strong verbal recommendation about you to the prospect.  They spent time talking to the prospect about their experience working with you or their understanding of other people’s experience in working with you.  This is the first level of referral that truly involves a modicum of effort on the part of your referral source.  It usually includes background information and a description of your product or service as filtered through the lens of the referral source.  

Adding the element of promotion increases the effectiveness of your referral source’s effort on your behalf. Promotion is advocacy—an outright recommendation of your product or service with a description of its features and benefits.

Level 4:       Introductory call and/or arrange a meeting.  This is another level up in terms of effort from the referral source who makes a personal phone call on your behalf and/or arranges a phone or in-person meeting between you and the prospect (in addition to many of the things outlined above). When your referral source arranges a call or a meeting between the two of you, they move beyond the role of a promoter and move into the role of a connector or facilitator.  This takes effort and is the sign of a committed referral partner who you should definitely support in return. 

Level 5:       In-person introduction and promotion. At this level, your referral source is making a serious commitment of time and energy in support of your business.  They haven’t just arranged a meeting, they participate in the meeting.  At this level, your referral source has done the work of assessing the need a prospect may have for your product or service and has gauged the prospect’s interest in learning more about it. They share this information with you which enables you to tailor your products or services to emphasize the specific benefits that the prospect is looking for.

This level is practically a “closed deal.”  Generally, a level 5 referral means, the business is nearly closed before you even contact the prospect, solely on the strength of your referral source’s efforts. Not much is required from you except to answer some questions and deliver the product or service and collect the payment.  People who give you Level 5 referrals are prized referral partners.  Make sure to treat them as such.  You should have a reciprocal relationship with these individuals.  They are worth their weight in referral gold.

The Referral Continuum that shows the amount of work you must do to close a prospect, based on the level of the referral. If you’re given a Level 1 referral, you have to do 95 percent of the work to close; this is not much better than other marketing efforts. On the other hand, if you get a Level 4 or 5 referral, then the person giving you the referral has already done most of the work for you. It’s easier for your referral source to edify you than it is for you because your source already has a relationship of trust with your prospect. For this reason, it’s important for you to do a superb job in fulfilling that referral so your referrer will get great feedback and want to refer you again. The referral giver is, in essence, lending you his or her credibility; this is not something to be taken lightly.

Of course, the effectiveness of your referral network in providing you with quality referrals depends on the amount of work you do to develop your sources. There are many ways to encourage them to become active and enthusiastic members of your marketing team. The Networking Scorecard from Networking Like a Pro 2^nd Edition will enable you to manually track the work you are doing to develop your network.  However, you can also download a free app of The Networking Scorecard at www.IvanMisner.com/Scorecard. By using this scorecard to keep a weekly record of your networking efforts and the quality of referrals you receive, you’ll begin to see the relationship between the two.