Body language can be a powerful attractant or deterrent when it comes to building relationships with others. People assess you visually within the first few minutes of meeting you.  I’ve been asked a lot about body language by the media over the years.  Here are some of their questions along with my answers relating to the use of body language in networking environments.

• What can you do to increase your confidence? To come off as warm or friendly or knowledgeable to others?
• What is the latest reputable science saying about hand gestures and how they effect the way we’re perceived by other people?
• We’ve been hearing about how the so-called “Power Pose” or “Superman Pose” (hands on hips) may not be as effective as research initially showed – is that true? Are there other poses that increase confidence?
• Personal space is sometimes an issue.  How close should you stand to people when you are talking to them?

People over-think this issue.  The answer is pretty straight forward – be more “interested” than “interesting.”   When you are meeting people, practice being an interested interviewer and an active listener.  Learn about them and during the process make sure that your facial expressions match that interest.  Don’t look bored – look engaged.   You can do that with a smile, appropriate reaction to a comment, or a few nods (but not like a bobble head doll).  Also, use your eyebrows to show your reaction to comments.  Do this in an authentic way.  If you really show interest in other people, you will be amazed at some of the stories you hear and people you meet.  You will also make a great impression on these individuals.  All of these things will help to make you look warm, friendly, and confident.

In a study done by Holler and Beatie they found that gestures increase the value of someone’s message by 60%!  They analyzed thousands of hours of TED talks and found one striking pattern.  The most watched TED Talks were done by people who used effective hand gestures.

Specifically, they analyzed the top and bottom Ted Talks and found that the least popular TED Talks used an average of 272 hand gestures during the 18-minute talk and the most popular TED Talks used an average of 465 hand gestures during their talk – or almost double! 

Remember that hand gestures are good when talking to someone but don’t turn it into “jazz hands” where your hands never stop waiving!  Be purposeful with your gestures.

Also, when doing certain hand gestures, make sure to do them from the listener’s perspective not yours.  For example, if you are talking about the growth of a business, you might naturally do a hand gesture going from your lower left to your upper right.  That looks like growth from your perspective but it would be the opposite from the listener’s perspective.  The same goes regarding a time-line.  For you, the start of a project would be on your left and the end of the project would be to your right.  However, for the listener, your hand gesture should be flipped so that the gesture you are making supports the point you are sharing according to the other person’s perspective.  This is a very subtle technique that can really help in your discussions with people.

The “Power Pose” is great if you are Wonder Woman or Superman.  For mere mortals – not so much.  It just looks theatrical.  Power Posing is a discredited theory of psychology that was based on a 2010 study that has even been refuted by one of the original authors of the paper.

Instead of “striking a pose” be your best self.  Don’t hunch over or look like a wall-flower, don’t cross your arms, and above all – maintain good eye contact.  Don’t be looking around the room as you are talking to people.  It makes them feel like you don’t care about them.  Remember, be interested and look interested when you are talking to someone.

The study of proxemics has an application to personal space in a conversation.  Personal space varies by culture however, generally speaking, in North American cultures personal space is roughly “arms-length” away.  Don’t get in someone’s space unless you have a relationship with them that would justify that.  Don’t make people feel uncomfortable by standing too close.  In this day and age – that is particularly important with the opposite gender.

Body language in networking environments can be very important.  Keep the above points in mind.  Be comfortable and authentic while not trying to overthink the issue.  The key is to practice, practice, practice and observe reactions over time.

Called the “father of modern networking” by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author.  He is also the Founder & Chief Visionary Officer of BNI (www.bni.com), the world’s largest business networking organization.  His new book, Networking for Success (2^nd Edition),  is available at bookstores and at Amazon.com.

How do you create an organizational culture in a company?  I’ve been asked this question a lot over the years.  I’ve written about organizational culture but I’ve never written about how you “create” organizational culture.  That’s what this piece is about – creating culture.  In this piece, I’m going to give you my perspective based on my personal experience and observation.  Although these aren’t your experiences – I recommend you consider them and take from this perspective those things that resonate with you and will help you create your own organizational culture.  If you are not the “boss,” consider how these themes may apply in your department of the company.  The concepts can apply on a micro level as well as a macro level.

In all my reading about organizational culture, I’ve never seen it explained the way I experienced the process.  I believe that organizational culture is created through three primary phases:  Organizational “traditions” lead to organizational “core values” which lead to organizational “culture.”

The traditions of a company (or department) are where things begin.  Although you can have healthy traditions or unhealthy traditions, I’m going to refer to the healthy traditions of an organization. Traditions tell us who we are as a tribe.  They tell us what is important to us and how we implement them within the organization.  For me, in the establishment of BNI, those traditions included things like a focus on relationship building, education, accountability, recognition, and of course – Givers Gain^® (to name a few).  Each of these items (and more) were the traditions that were inculcated throughout the program in the beginning.  By making them such an important part of the company – they ended up becoming some of our organizational core values.

Core Values of an organization are the fundamental beliefs and guiding principles that dictate behavior and help people better understand expectations within the organizational context.  For BNI, those core values included the five items above (education being changed to life-long learning) as well as positive attitude and traditions + innovation.  Yes, I included traditions in our core values as I realized that traditions are critical to the ongoing success of an organization because they anchor us in the things that create great experiences.  At the same time, I understood that innovation was key.  Traditions tell you where you come from and innovation tells you where you want to go.  I felt both were important for the success of the company. 

Traditions lead to core values and core values lead to an organizational culture.  Consequently, the core values that are acted upon within an organization (or local unit… in BNI, a chapter), directly impact and create the culture. 

To me, the creation of culture is pretty straight forward.  Understand the healthy traditions of an organization.  Then practice and implement the organizational core values like a zealot.  Be a fanatic about sharing them, discussing them, implementing them and writing about them.  When you do these first two things well, you create an amazing culture.

Culture eats strategy for breakfast.  If you are part of an organization with a great strategy and a marginal culture, you’ll struggle.  If you are part of an organization with a marginal strategy but a great culture, you can do well.  However, if you are part of an organization with a great strategy and a great culture you will be an industry leader.  Culture is the secret sauce for organizational success.

If you want that kind of success for your organization pull out the material that talks about your organizational core values (if you don’t have them, think about your traditions and start to establish core values from them) and put them into practice as though your business depended on it (and by the way – it does). 

I travel often, speaking to business professionals about networking. When traveling, especially internationally, I try very hard not to forget important items I need for meetings or speaking to groups of people . . . but I admit it’s hard to remember everything.

An international magazine interviewed me recently on this topic. The reporter asked me, “What should business people think about taking with them on business trips that they might not normally think about?” This list would benefit anyone, so I’m sharing it here.

First, a few somewhat obvious things that can certainly come in handy:

1. Plenty of business cards. It is never a good idea to run out of business cards while traveling. Tuck extras in your suit pockets, wallet/purse, briefcase and luggage.

2. A name badge. If you do any networking while traveling on business, have your own professional name badge. Don’t rely on the hosting organization to do your name badge.

3. Extra pens. Make sure you have a pen with you. I always find that I need to write some reminders down while I’m talking to people. It’s troublesome to track down a pen while you are busy networking.

Somewhat less obvious things:

1. The contact information (or business cards) of all your referral partners. I sometimes find that having that information at my fingertips allows me to give referrals to people while I’m out networking.

2. Hand sanitizer. I know this may sound a little bit like “Mr. Monk,” the germaphobe title character of a television series. However, since I’ve started using hand sanitizer after shaking many, many hands, I’ve gotten far less colds than I used to get. Just be tactful about the way you use it. Don’t desperately and obviously spray your hands every time you shake someone’s hand.

3. Breath mints. As obvious as it may sound, I can assure you from experience that many people have no idea they need them.

4. A memory stick. Many times I have either needed to get a copy of something or give a copy of a file to someone. Having a memory stick handy has been very helpful on several occasions.

5. Tools for your business. For me, that includes many copies of my bio for introductions whenever I speak. Despite that my team sends the bio in advance, there are many times when I arrive and they don’t have it handy. Another tool for me is a PowerPoint remote clicker. This is important because I don’t want to rely on someone else to move the slides forward as a I present. Also, you know that memory stick I mentioned earlier? I have copies of my talks on there just in case it’s needed.

When I asked some colleagues and other business travelers what they would add to the list, they added some that I hadn’t thought of:

1. A phone charger. I agree heartily, especially seeing how much these items cost in an airport, or in another country. And you certainly won’t want to forget your laptop power cord – besides being expensive it’s often impossible to be able to get the right one easily, if at all.

2. Power adapter/converter. Though it’s usually easy to pick up a “universal” adapter at airports or stores in heavily populated areas, in this electronic age you would hate to need one and not be able to find one, so it’s best to have one (or two) packed and ready when you need it!

3. The right clothes. Most of you have experienced differences in temperature or weather from one town to another, so you can imagine how different the conditions could be across the country or around the world. It’s never been easier to plan what clothes to bring, thanks to online weather forecasts for every region of the earth. Of course, there are no guarantees where weather is concerned.

4. A good book. Hear, hear! Those airport layovers, delays and long flights can seem even longer without something interesting to read.

There are certainly more items to include, but the above can certainly make or break an important business trip. So you definitely do not want to forget them.

What do you take along that is not on this list?