To The Next Level
The BNI Paradox: How Giving Results in Receiving
By Deanna Tucci Schmitt and Laurel Patterson

Emma, the visitor host, finishes talking with two BNI members and returns to the visitor host table. A visitor, Joe Newbie, approaches her and tells her about his business and product. She feels her neck stiffen and her heart speed up. Oh no, she says to herself. This guy is totally focused on himself. Another few sentences and he'll be trying to get me to buy something. Why don't I have more patience with visitors who do this?

Joe is trying to network. He's focused on meeting people to make more sales. That's why he's attending his first BNI meeting. He's attracted to BNI because he's heard he'll get lots of referrals. If Joe is to become a successful BNI member, though, somewhere along the way he will have to change his focus from "Me, me, me" to "Give, give, give."

How does this happen? Paradoxically, people become involved in BNI to make more money. They're in it for themselves and their company—for what they can get out of it to get ahead. While businesses need to tell people about their business and increase sales, it's more important to have the right perspective.

Our focus must shift from what we can gain to what we can give. It sounds impossible. But around the world, BNI helps new members change their business motivation. BNI's philosophy of Givers Gain results in business success. Ironically, the success becomes a mere side effect of our sincere interest in others.

Sharing the Principle
Visitor Hosts must not be afraid to address this foundational point with our visitors. We know it works; we've seen it time after time. Be confident that the secret to success is worthy of introduction early on. After all, how will they make the change if we don't help them see the essence of Givers Gain? This change doesn't happen overnight—and it won't begin until the visitor is educated.

Visitor Hosts must be diligent in teaching and mentoring—laying the groundwork for Givers Gain. Just as not all one-to-ones result in a referral, not all visitors will get the message and become productive members. Sharing our secret with visitors is just another way to apply Givers Gain. Don't hold back.

New members must be patient while they're learning and applying the information. They need to keep in mind that while they are learning basic concepts, attending meetings, and arranging one-to-ones, BNI members are getting to know them. Referrals won't come instantly; BNI members have already made commitments with other BNI members. Members need time to get to know a new member's work ethic, quality level, and reliability so their referral is strong and sincere.

The Choice
Each has a choice. Emma could hold back, thinking that the odds are against Joe grasping and applying the concept. After all, why should she put forth effort if it scares Joe away or, even worse, falls flat six months from now? Or, in the giving spirit of BNI, Emma could share what she knows, giving Joe the opportunity to grow.

Joe could continue to focus on himself and his business and unwittingly push people away. Or Joe could attend meetings, arrange one-to-ones, and work to develop a sincere interest in others' needs.

Imagine if both chose the BNI way. Emma would enjoy her mission without expectations, knowing she is sharing an opportunity that can change a person's life. And Joe could very likely be a long-term, active, strong, referring BNI member who emulates Emma. It's an amazing paradox we see all the time—all over the world.

Deanna Tucci Schmitt is the Executive Director for BNI Western Pennsylvania. Deanna is a contributing author in Masters of Networking and the newly released best seller Masters of Sales.

Laurel Patterson, owner of Patterson Presentations, takes great pleasure in providing a variety of clients with writing, editing, and speaking services. Her communication endeavors include newsletters, magazine articles, speaking engagements, and white bird releases at special events.