BNI SuccessNet - March/April 2004 - BNI: More Than A Meeting

Humans are internally wired for relationships. As "social animals" we need relationships regardless of the activity we engage in. Business is conducted through relationships. Every person is influenced by family relationships. We play with other individuals to strengthen our relationships, and we even relate spiritually to others. The more we understand this phenomenon of relationships, the easier it will be to achieve our goals, and achieving goals ultimately leads toward a more successful life.

Returns from our relationships come in many shapes and sizes and sometimes are even hard to identify immediately. Personal support, increased knowledge, shared resources and concluded business transactions are just a few of the benefits generated from relationships. Despite the many returns we receive from relationships with others, it's curious that we don't spend more time studying and practicing good human relations. Relationships just don't happen. The really good ones are built on solid principles of human dynamics.

In the business of word-of-mouth referral marketing, if we get one referred contact from another person, it could mean that the referring person is attempting to build a relationship. Aren't we sending a message to another person when we give them a gift of flowers, referrals or a bottle of wine? The first referral might signal an interest of one person to engage in or improve a relationship with another. The second referral or gift that is given to the same person might suggest a more meaningful intent than merely happenstance. When the third referral or gift is conveyed, the recipient can't help but feel something beyond the ordinary is happening. If you want to send a clear message of your interest in a long-term relationship, send three gifts or referrals.

Relationships are like two-way streets where traffic goes in both directions. Once a clear desire to build a relationship has been conveyed through giving gifts of referrals, the continuation of receiving referrals must be cultivated by giving back gifts of equal or greater value. The principle of "givers gain" explains that getting gifts of business from a person means we have to give back something of value to the giver if we wish the relationship to become increasingly profitable. The gift we return need not be the same type of item but must be perceived as a valuable return to the initial giver.

Rules of the road must be followed by traffic on a two-way street to avoid too many bumps and crashes. Relationships are the same. Stick to the rules and you will ultimately get to your destination. Not following the rules of relationships causes us to bump into and even collide with others. One rule we must follow is imposed by time and energy. It will take time and energy to create a flourishing and profitable relationship. Commit enough time and energy to exploring a direction that may provide a good return. Don't expect that the first corner that you come to will be your final destination. Just to add complexity, understand that while exploring new territory requires some caution, taking too much time may also create a dangerous condition or even cause a collision.

When we become accustomed to others, it is like traveling the same road over and over again. Don't be complacent. Traffic accidents happen in our own familiar neighborhood, and relationships can fail with those closest to us. Maintaining a valuable relationship consumes as much thought, care and energy as starting the initial relationship. Humans possess an unbounded capacity to learn and create. Each of us changes daily. This means that for a relationship to maintain its strength of reciprocity and continue providing value to each party, the relationship must also adapt and be re-invented from time to time.

In the end, quality communication becomes the most important strategy for building and maintaining relationships that return great benefits to each party. Within a quality communication, subjects will be discussed swaying among the various interests, needs and wants of each person. During the communication process, each of the parties must convey an interest and active desire to help the other achieve their goal. Over time, as one person demonstrates his or her ability to add value to the other, the recipient will be governed by yet another law of human nature. This rule is the need to find a way to give equal value back to the giver. The formula is simple. Quality communication equals quality relationships where the byproduct becomes a givers gain process enabling each of the relationship partners to achieve his or her goals.